If you’re on a diet, can’t eat sugar, or hate any kind of happiness, turn away now.
Fair warning. I’m serious. This is evil stuff.
I mean it! This is so delicious, it’s sinful.
Okay. That should’ve scared off all the weenies.
Years ago, before the age of microwaves, my mother used to boil a can of sweetened condensed milk in a big pot of water. You had to let it boil for a couple of hours. (To little children, it felt like DAYS!) Afterward, you couldn’t open the can for many more hours until it had cooled off.
Once cooled, she’d punch a hole in the can with one of those old fashioned can openers that looked like it could take out an eye. With the first tiny hole, a mini lava of caramel spewed from the opening. Our mouths would water and we’d gather like urchins around the most decadent candy the world of man had ever created.
We called it leche quemada. Greg calls it Cow. Don’t ask me why. (It’s an in-family joke.)
Since the Stone Age of my childhood, I’d seen many other ways of cooking it either on a stove top or a slow cooker. But the easiest and quickest way of cooking this is in the microwave.
All hail the MICROWAVE.
Cook time: 2 minutes 30 seconds
Take a can of sweetened condensed milk. Any brand will do.
Open the can.
Pour the contents into a tall, preferably glass bowl.
You are allowed to lick off the leftover milk inside the can. When you finish, toss the used spoon in the sink and get a new one.
Okay, now to work.
• Center the bowl of sweetened condensed milk in the microwave. Hopefully you have one with a turntable. Microwave for 1 minute, 10 seconds. Keep watching it to make sure it doesn’t breach the top of the bowl.
The milk will be hot but still liquid. Stir once.
• Microwave for another 1 minute, 20 seconds.
• This time you must watch it CAREFULLY. The milk will froth and rise. (This is why it’s better to have a clear bowl.)
• Every time the milk rises to the top, stop the microwave. Stir the bowl once. Let it sit for two seconds then restart the machine.
• As the milk gets hotter you will have to stop the microwave every 8-10 seconds, stir once, then restart again.
• After cooking for 2 minutes and 30 seconds, the milk will feel firmer and saucy.
• Let it cool in the fridge. As it cools, it will firm up into a spreadable caramel.
If you didn’t wait until it cooled, the tip of your tongue is burnt right now. (If this is you, remind me not to leave you alone with matches or scissors.)
You can spread the leche quemada on bread or lace it over ice cream, but I eat a couple of naked spoonfuls and fall into a happy sugar coma.
Yes. It’s terribly bad for you. It’s nothing but sugar and milk.
Note: If you like a firmer texture like my mom did, you can cook it another minute longer. It’ll have the consistency of soft fudge.